How selfish I am. Even after four days of doing not much of anything, I am too easily embittered when I am thrown back into the reality of responsibility and deadlines and pressures on my time. As if it is MY time.
I just caught up with our assistant minister to go over some studies we’ll be leading together over the next few weeks. I was feeling a little tired and cranky (just because it was late afternoon and I had a headache all day) and I am not good at hiding my tired and cranky-ness.
How rebuked I was when I heard about how ridiculously busy he has been over the weekend, and still had work to do when he got home. And yet he was still thankful and joyful in the work he was able to get done and just in being able to serve God. He wasn’t even rebuking me or boasting; just sharing and being thankful.
Driving home from the meeting (which, funnily enough, was in a pub) I was reminded of Psalm 90 (I had flicked through it during the day):
You have set our iniquities before you,
our secret sins in the light of your presence.
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble. (verses 8,12,14,15).
I am reminded that my time is not my own. It was given to me by God, to glorify Him. To be thankful. To repent.
And as tired as I was from a long day, the meeting gave me energy. Or rather, his humility and joy in serving was refreshing and prompted me to serve more eagerly and use my time not for myself but for God and his people.