Being still

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It feels like it’s been much longer than it actually has since I had the mental space to just sit and think.

I’ve been so distracted by so many different things, and have had so much on my mind that I just haven’t been able to concentrate on anything properly. I hate that. I hate the effect it has on the energy I have for relationships. There are women I really want to catch up with, but I haven’t even been able to comprehend catching up with them because I’ve been so tired and downcast.

By way of context, I recently applied for a promotion at work. I wasn’t sure how I felt about applying. I’ve never really had the self confidence to take risks and feel like I could have a go at something new and be good at it. But I was encouraged to go for it, and I need to put a little more effort in to stepping out of my comfort zone in order to grow.

That was a month ago. The process has been slow, but I was finally interviewed, discovering that my expectations about the role were wrong (miscommunication). For the three days between being interviewed and hearing the result, I couldn’t focus on anything. It added a lot more stress. Now that it’s been resolved, I feel heaps better.

It really bugs me that one thing, one distraction, can take over my conscious thought so much that I feel like I can’t be useful in the other areas of my life. How do you learn to not react so much? (Perhaps the next time I go to the library, that can be one of my next topics to learn about). I’m often envious of people who seem to be able to file things away and concentrate on one thing at a time. Sometimes it makes me feel worse that I struggle to do that. I need to be reminded that God created us with different capacities for stress. And not to take it so personally that my capacity seems to be so low.

Now, though, I can be still. I can think through some of the things that have been bothering me, or on my to do list. Sitting here in this sensory room, dark and quiet, watching as my client explores the environment, I’ve been able to start sharing my thoughts (because there’s not a lot you can do in a sensory room once everyone is settled); thanks for reading. Does anyone else get stuck like me? It’s nice to know you’re not the only one.

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