As we farewelled two more staff yesterday, by hearing their reflections from the year and sharing what we’ve been thankful for in them, I realised a few things: that the concept of going around a circle doing that is not as awkward or contrived as I first expected it would be (I hadn’t really been looking forward to it because I was more concerned about how what I had to say would be received); that I disguise complaining as other things, like reflections and observations, and often just complain outright; and that my perspective on sharing these thing has gone from feeling guilty about ways that I fail and jealous of other people’s gifts, to being encouraged and spurred on to love and good deeds by the wonderful example of others.
I was still rebuked about my sin; my selfishness is being exposed more and more, in the way that I do complain and the way that when I am struggling (often with far less challenging things than other people), my focus becomes more about me and it means that I fail to love others when they need it, and in really simple ways (people ask me how I am and I don’t ask back). But rather than letting my weakness incapacitate me (like usual), I think this is more what has happened:
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for her who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds… You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:23, 24, 36.