Usefulness and guilt

I wonder if, when I look back over the year, I will realise that some of the hardest moments were when I felt like I’d let God, and people, down. I know in first semester, I was very tired, not having had a holiday in a long time and powering through til mid-semester, still adjusting to being on the other side of student ministry and getting to know a lot of people.

I think maybe another significant factor adding to my very low moments was the guilt (?) I felt in not doing enough. I know I was learning about adjusting expectations – I was perhaps expecting too much of myself, and perceived that others did, too. Though in terms of not doing enough, I don’t think I could have handled more on my plate last semester.

Now, though, I struggle (as I always have) with using my time wisely, which means that I do a lot of nothing and let important things fall behind. Yesterday I barely got a bible study ready for church in time, and I was upset because I felt like I was being unfaithful with my time and efforts.

So, for now, particularly while working at home (I may need to become much more familiar with the library), please pray that God will continue to use me, and that I will be diligent with things I need to do and with following up people. Pray also that I’d rest in the fact that it’s not about what I do, but who I am in Christ.

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