A bit more personally after my last post on persevering in trials (not that I’m going through any), one of the reasons I wrote and posted it at the moment is that when I get tired and emotionally fragile, my thoughts exaggerate and reflect on the world much more deeply.
It seems that even before the Apprentice conference, I haven’t really been sleeping very well. I’ve been having enough hours of sleep, but it takes me so long to get to sleep (and perhaps being Winter doesn’t help either) that it hasn’t been restful. Late nights and a sense that I have more to get done than I have time to do it, have also contributed.
This week it has been taking its toll. And my conclusion is that sometimes, I really don’t like myself. I think, when I’m tired, I’m at my worst. I get grumpy, irritable, impatient, easily frustrated and angered, and I usually take it out on the people closest to me.
I’m not good at apologising or asking forgiveness. I’m trying. And I’m praying more because of it. I’m still impatient and tired, but I’m trying to remember:
“…We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” Romans 5:3-6